Accounting problems

I'm going to admit something to you all. I haven't balanced our checking account in maybe 2 years. After moving here we had to open a new bank account which meant we got a clean slate. A fresh blank check register.

When we opened that new account we also merged our bank accounts. I've never been great at writing down every transaction but with both of us using the account, Hubby quickly stopped saving his receipts after he would use his card. After a few months I couldn't make our account balance.

Surprisingly, we realized the check register wasn't working, we found an app that worked great. I was looking at our account a couple times a week to make sure I had everything written down. It was balancing every time.

Until it wasn't.

I was still keeping track of the checks I wrote and card transactions, but the numbers were still red. Once all the checks cleared, I cleared the app and started over. That lasted about 6 months. I still don't know what I did wrong.

I've slacked again. It might be time to wipe the slate clean again.

Every time Hubby gets paid (every 2 weeks) I sit down Thurs. night, pay our bills, bring the register up to date and budget the next 2 weeks. We use online bill pay as I'm sure most of you do too. It's fast, easy to use and doesn't take much time.

This last bill paying session didn't go so well. I paid what was due, reviewed, did some math, made some notes, and evidently forgot to click finish. None of the bills were paid and I didn't find out until today. 5 days past most of the due dates. Damn interest rates.

And it's all my fault. I put off checking our account b/c I thought I had taken care of everything. Apparently I need to double and triple check from now on.

Why does money have to be so hard?

When Does School Start?

I've read some great blog posts this past week that have really summed up my life lately. I've been in a kind of funk for several reasons. 

1) I failed at my second attempt at completing a Whole30. 

2) My motivation to do anything has slowly disappeared. 

3) My children are becoming more and more annoying every day. 

My oldest two fight like crazy. Carsen knows how to push buttons and he does so on a routine basis causing Ainsley to either tattle on him or scream her head off and cry because he's doing something she doesn't like. 

Carsen has also developed an attitude and can throw a fit like you've never seen. I'm talking about pouting, stomping, screaming, crying, kicking the seat, throwing his body around, etc. it's really a sight to see. 

And it's very hard for me to control my temper when he does this. I yell, I hit things, kick things, verbalize that I'm annoyed at something or someone, essentially being a great role model. (Insert sarcasm.) He's got a great blue print for how a fit should be thrown. 

I just don't know how many more days I can manage before school starts and he's gone during the day. Don't get me wrong having him home has been great. He keeps Ainsley busy and entertained (they are capable of playing together nicely), he is good about playing with Charlotte and keeping a eye on her when I need to leave the room for a minute, and he's got such an amazing imagination, he loves to create things and make art projects. 

His enthusiasm is so overwhelming though that I find myself more annoyed than excited when he shows me the tracking device or blaster he made out of Lego's when he's already showed me the prototypes before he finally got it right. And it's hard to get excited about the spaceship he made out of a shipping box when there are bits of cardboard box all over the kitchen table and floor. 

Every sentence starts with "Guess what?" and each question is asked at least 3 times before I can catch my breath and answer him. 

I've been especially hard in him these last few weeks and it's my attitude that needs to change. He's acting like a normal 6 year old boy and I'm acting like the worst mom ever. 

What's My Age Again?

Hubby is an extreme extrovert, social butterfly type. 

I'm an extreme introvert. I like being around other people, but I like being by myself or with my Hubby only. After all this vacation was about spending time just us. 

Our first night at the resort, we got a drink at a piano bar and hung around for awhile. We met some nice couples and Hubby kept saying we needed to make friends with one of them so we could hang out while we were there. 

After the initial round of singing, introductions were made all around the room and we quickly learned 90% of the couples at the resort were on their honeymoon. There were a handful of others celebrating their 10th like us, their 30th or just taking a trip together. 

The next day on the beach we saw a few of the couples from the piano bar. Each one said hello politely but they had no idea who we were. They'd been too drunk the night before to remember they'd met us. 

Hubby wondered why we couldn't make a connection with anyone. (Let me point out that we weren't introducing ourselves to every couple at the resort. We'd smile at people at the bar or pool and then chit chat.) 

After about 2 days I figured it out. How do I usually connect with someone? My kids. They are a great confidence booster and my number one way of meeting new people. Especially when I have them with me. They're a nice way to break the ice. 

When a good 3/4 of the couples we introduced ourselves to were on their honeymoon, we couldn't very well bond over our children. I was at a loss for conversation beyond "Where are you from?" and "How long are you here for?" 

It was at this time I started to feel old. Sometimes I still think I'm in my mid 20's and then it hits me I'm 32. 

I wasn't scared when I turned 30 and I'm not afraid of getting older. It can just be a rude awakening when the crowd you're with isn't moving at the same speed as you. 

Back to Reality

Well we had an amazing time in Jamaica. As much as we missed the kids, we still didn't want to come home. It was so nice to have down time and be relax the whole day. We swam in the ocean every day, laid on the beach, ate at amazing buffets and restaurants and drank to our hearts content.

It should have been just what we needed to reset ourselves. We talked about how we wanted to change our attitudes, how we wanted to handle the demands of our children from now on.

Hubby needs to work on keeping his cool and not snap as quickly. I need to work on not being irritated/annoyed by the little things. (Please tell me other parents experience these faults as well??)

Our flight landed in Denver at 11 PM Mountain time Tues. night. By the time we got our luggage and called the hotel shuttle where we'd left our car, it was 12:30 AM. Every hotel in the Denver/Aurora/Limon area was booked. We drove and drove until finally stopping in Burlington at 3 AM.

To say we were exhausted was an understatement. We stopped at the first hotel we came to in Burlington and it wasn't pretty. I think it was America's Best Inn or something similar. It smelled like smoke w/ cigarette burns on the tables and bedspreads, the shower curtain had mildew all over the bottom and the pillows were flat as a pancake.

The room had two double beds which meant Hubby and I didn't have to share. After traveling all afternoon and driving late into the night the last thing I wanted was to cuddle.

We got up early Wed. morning and were back in HC by 12:30. Just in time for lunch.

We left again at 3 PM for another 4 hours in the car. This time w/ our 3 lovely children. Baby C was ready for a nap so she didn't make a peep and the big kids were content to watch a show.

After about 2 hours, Ainsley had fallen asleep so both the girls were snoozing when Carsen started whining about his foot hurting. He made so much noise he woke Charlotte up and she could not be consoled. We had to pull over to change her diaper and give her a snack. After that she was just gonna have to tough it out.

Surprisingly we made it home before dark and got everyone into bed w/ little effort.

It's been 2 days and I'm not 100% on my "resolution" but it's there in the back of my mind. The little voice saying, "Don't get mad, laugh instead, turn it around."

Maybe I'll be better once I get caught up on all the laundry.

T Minus 7 Days and Counting

We are flying to Jamaica in one week to celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary. Our anniversary isn't until Sept. but it worked better with our schedules to go in the summer. We went to Jamaica on our honeymoon to Montego Bay. This time we're going to Negril. 

I can't wait to spend time away from my kids. Is that bad? Do I sound like a bad mom? 

The past month I've been grouchy, snapping at my kids, annoyed for no reason, and just plain tired. Now with summer starting and Carsen home all day every day, I need a break, to recharge and relax without being a Mom. To read as often and as long as I want, to sleep as late as I want and 5 days where I won't have to listen to demands by small children. 

I've got 3 books to take with me and plan to take full advantage of my down time. Sure there will be plenty of beach activities, excursions and sightseeing but I'm really excited about sitting on the beach doing nothing but reading my book. 

I love to travel. Never been afraid of flying. I like the busyness of the airport, people watching is fun. I don't play that game of trying to create a character for each person. 

We looked into switching our seats to the emergency exit row where the rows are wider and it's an additional $85 per person, or something like that. Our seats are located in the rear, not all the way in the back but according to Hubby we're in the most dangerous part of the plane. 

This doesn't scare me all it does is annoy me b/c we'll be one of the last groups to board and have to stand in the aisle while everyone already on the plane are trying to shove their bags into the overhead bins. And we'll have to put our bag in one of the front bins b/c the others are full. This is my least favorite part of flying. 

I'm also terrified of losing my luggage so I always have a carry on. 

The next few days will be full of laundry, packing and crossing things off my to do list. 

Things That Drive Me Crazy on a Daily Basis

1. Charlotte waking up before 7 AM. 

2. My kids indecisiveness about breakfast. 

3. Ainsley asking, "Where are we going today?" 

4. Making Carsen's lunch b/c I forgot the night before. (Yep every day.) 

5. School drop off. 

6. Finding time to unload the dishwasher. 

7. Tryîng to figure out what to feed the girls for lunch. 

8. Listening to Carsen whine he's hungry at 4:30 even though he had a snack after school. 

9. Making supper while Charlotte cries/explores around the kitchen. 

10. The incessant, "Is supper ready?" 

11. The clean up. (Enough said.) 

12. The fact that it's the end of the day and I've crossed very little off my to do list. 

13. My kitchen is full of piles. 

14. Being completely exhausted at the end of the day yet feel like I've accomplished nothing. 

Let's Try this Again

Tomorrow is my first day starting the Whole30 lifestyle. This is my second round and I didn't make it the full 30 days the last time. I lasted 20 days before traveling and poor planning caused me to cheat.

Hubby and I are celebrating our 10 year anniversary this year by going to Jamaica the first week in June. I'm running out of time to feel good (and look halfway decent) in my swimsuit! I've been a little out of control the past few weeks. 

When I started this journey the first time, on March 1st, I was completely committed. I had little signs of encouragement posted in the kitchen and bathroom, I had the book, It Starts with Food, and I had a friend who had already completed a Whole30 I could call for advice. 

This time around I'm not as motivated. Even with visions of the beach and summer dresses I still can't get my ass in gear. I wanted to go shopping for cute new dresses in a smaller size rather than larger. 

I should mention I'm not doing this Whole30 strictly for the weight loss. I have been out of control in other areas as well. I've been short with the kids, snapping at them even, I'm lazy and neglecting my house, not working out as much as I used to, just feeling overall unhappy. Something needs to change in a big way. 

I ask that you all send me good thoughts this week as the first 2 weeks are the hardest. Stay tuned!