Museum of Modern

Sunday, June 23, 2013

My Name is Megan ... and I have no idea who I am

Updated version

As I stated in an earlier post, I turned 30 on my last birthday. Like anyone reaching a milestone birthday, I've done some reflecting on my life.

I took a Philosophy class about 2 years ago and hated it. I'm not a deep thinker nor am I one to take risks and speak my mind.

The final for this class was to write 2 essays. The first question being: What did you expect to learn from this class? The second: What DID you learn from this class?

We were given these questions a week before the final so I had time to think about my answers. And what I came up w/ (and have probably already subconsciously knew) is that I am a naive person.

It was handed down to me by my mom who thinks the best of everyone, gives them the benefit of the doubt, and has to make conversation w/ every person she meets.

Not to mention, we didn't have a lot of "family" discussions about sex, alcohol, etc. My mom just assumed I learned everything I needed to know in school which was true, but it would have been nice to have my mom to talk to about it.

I was also your typical good girl who did everything I was supposed to, never broke the rules (much), and looked the other way when something uncomfortable was going on.

So this Philosophy opened my eyes a little to the fact that I had no idea who I was as a person. I had my BA in English (Creative Writing), I was a wife and mother, I had a part time job I really enjoyed, and I was pregnant w/ my 2nd child.

Yet I didn't really have a feel for who I was. I've really started thinking about this a month or 2 before my birthday and have yet to come up w/ an answer.

Don't get me wrong, I love being a wife, mother, etc. but feel like my life is lacking something. In high school I wanted to be a screenwriter, in college I just wanted to write something and get published.

Now I'm just struggling to find the time to write anything (hence this blog was formed).

Anyone else out there struggling w/ their identity?

It's been a year since I wrote the above post. I now have 3 children, the oldest is in kindergarten. I still feel like I'm lacking in areas. Again, I love being a mother but feel that's all anyone ever sees me for. I'm Carsen's mom when I volunteer in his classroom. When I go home to visit my parents everyone wants to see the kids, that's my purpose in life: to give people optimal viewing of my children. 

Even my Hubby (who is super supportive of me and completely understanding) I feel only sees me as a Mom. We took a Marriage retreat class w/ 4 other couples thru our church earlier this year and when asked to name something you admire about your spouse, every husband in the room stated their wife was a good mother. 

Now I'm proud my Hubby thinks I'm a good mom. I'd be upset if he didn't, but I didn't want my whole identity to be simply Mom. 

I like to think of myself as a writer, a great organizer, an entertainment junkie, a great typist, and a great friend. Now these may not sound like great characteristics, but they mean something to me and I want people to know those in addition to the great mother thing. 

I'm going to continue to find my identity and truth be told I may never find her, but I need to get out of my comfort zone and find her. 

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Summer Vacation Stress

My son just finished his 1st year of preschool. 2 days a week for 2.5 hours. It was nice to have those 2 mornings free for some one on one time w/ Baby Girl.

And let's be honest, it was nice to have that break from the Boy. I love him to pieces, but he can be hard to handle sometimes. (On the plus side, his meltdowns have almost disappeared completely or last for only a minute at most.) Next year he'll go to preschool 3 mornings a week.

Like every other mom out there, I was dreading summer break. I was already having trouble scheduling morning activities for 2 mornings a week, now I was going to have to come up w/ 3 or more!

We visit 3 different libraries a week so that takes care of about 3 days. Our rec center has a couple different activities for 3-5 year olds I plan to enroll him in not to mention blastball starts next month.

In the midst of all this panic to stay busy, I'm also finding it hard to fit everything into our schedule. Crazy, right? A lot of activities start at the same time on the same days.

There's story hour at 3 different libraries, special programs/story times b/c of summer reading, rec center activities, vacation bible school, visiting grandparents (fair, harvest), play dates w/ friends, swimming lessons, visiting the pool. Just to name a few.

Some activities I haven't signed the Boy up for yet. I'm still trying to make the pieces fit. It seems silly to stress about trying to fit all these different programs into our summer. The Boy isn't going to know what activity we're missing so what's the point in trying to hit them all?

Swimming lessons and pool time are pretty high on the priority list. Story times and library programs are okay to miss. Visits to grandparents will happen at specific times during the summer, easy to plan around. The rest will just have to happen week by week.

Anyone else having trouble fitting everything into their summer?