Museum of Modern

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

I have a Hemorrhoid

I know this is a lovely topic (and image) to be talking about so close to Christmas but I found I just had to share.

This is in fact my 3rd(!) hemorrhoid ever. (Please feel sorry for me.) The first was after I had my first baby. Like all new mothers, I was constipated, every time I went to the bathroom it felt like I had to go #2. Right? I would sit for hours and nothing would happen.

Well, finally I got out my mirror and saw my little friend. The good news was it was barely noticeable comfort wise and was gone within a day.

My second hemorrhoid experience was last year at this time. I don't remember any significant bathroom habits, I wasn't pregnant, I was simply uncomfortable when sitting and had that familiar feeling that something was still hanging on back there.

I went to the bathroom, again armed w/ my hand mirror, and revealed the culprit. I called my aunt (a nurse) and told her what I saw. She recommended pushing it back in. WTF? I informed her that was not an option.

She then suggested asking my Hubby to help. Did she think I wanted to totally kill my sex life? That was definitely out. I bought some cream and applied a couple times a day.

I was uncomfortable for days this time around. It was the week before Christmas and I was praying it would be gone by the time we traveled to see family. Luckily, it stopped hurting and shrunk about 3 days before we left.

Now for this 3rd time. I'm 6 months pregnant and it's the week before Christmas. After feeling uncomfortable for most of the day, I had the sinking feeling I knew what the problem was.

Sure enough, my hand mirror showed me another visitor.

Like the first one, this one hasn't been too painful and is almost gone which is a good thing because my pregnant belly makes it hard to see anything. I again called my aunt not really for advice but just to marvel at the coincidence that this happened at the same time last year. She again suggested I push it back in.

Now, I'm going to share something that may be TMI, but I think it's important to the story so stop reading right now if you want...

I haven't spent a lot of time researching hemorrhoids because I already know/knew how to take care of them and what causes them, but I am curious as to what they are supposed to look like.

Mine looks like a lima bean so I'm confused as to how I'm supposed to push this thing back in. If it were more like a button or mole I could understand, but this is too oblong and almost flabby.

I really hope this isn't the start of some holiday tradition my body has decided to adopt.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Life Before Kids

I've often thought about things my husband and I didn't do before we had kids. We all have those lists: take a road trip together, travel more, save money, etc.

We visited my sister-in-law and her husband over the summer in Omaha and I was green w/ jealousy most of the time. They live in an apartment in downtown Omaha. They live on the top floor above a bakery. We walked around most of the area which included a farmer's market, numerous shops and restaurants, coffee shops, bakeries, etc. Their apartment also had floor to ceiling windows all around their living/dining room.

The whole time we were there I couldn't help but marvel at the simpleness of their lives and all the options they had to do things. The farmer's market was just a block away! You could hear the night life happening right outside their windows. (Granted some nights it was a little loud, but still it created an awesome atmosphere.)

They had leather furniture, not my taste, but they had the option! With kids that's not exactly the friendliest of fabrics. My sister-in-law is big into home decor (sometimes I don't understand her vision) so there are always a lot of decorative items by the TV or sitting on the bookshelf. Now that it's Christmas time I'm sure their apartment looks like a department store window display.

I couldn't help but be jealous of all they had at their disposal. Not only the variety of venues for food, shopping, and entertainment, but the freedom to do nothing all day if they chose to, to take off on a weekend trip at the last minute, or simply to talk to each other w/o interruptions. Some days I wish I could trade lives w/ them, and others I feel so lucky I have what I do.

Who wouldn't want to spend a weekend in the LBK (Life Before Kids) phase?